I often get up in arms about civility and the lack of social graces in our modern society. I don't want any man laying down his overcoat on top of a puddle for me, but I would like a little more civility.
Yesterday I had two clear incidences of the lack of social graces.
1. I wore my hair in a different style. I was told by two people that it looked bad. One of these people I consider a good friend, so perhaps she was trying to "help" me by saying this. The other was no more than an acquaintance, so what was her gain? But more over- how was my hair offensive to them? How did my hair in a barrette hurt them? Was it necessary for them to remark on how my hair looked? My hair wasn't sticking up funny, so why mention you don't like my hair?
2. A woman I coach in running group, who apparently has had some fertility issues announced last night that she was pregnant. When I asked how far along she told me "oh maybe 3 or 4 weeks". GASP. My heart stopped. What happened to waiting til the first trimester is over? I'll tell you what, Facebook, that's what happened. And emailable sonogram pictures. It's all too much.
2.5. A coworker had on acute new scarf so I told her I liked it. She literally looked me up and down while saying "I like your.....shoes". Although I appreciate her gesture and find it very funny, compliments need not be returned. A simple thanks will suffice.
Call me old fashioned but I want to be ignorant to that fact that someone dislikes my hair style and I don't want to know about pregnancies until after the first trimester (I also don't want to know gender and/or names until after the baby is born- but I know that is just me). I want people to be civil and gracious and nice. To say please and thank you. I also know I have to start projecting that more into the world to get it back.
Thank you.
Completely agree. For some reason this type of stuff has been driving me nuts lately... so I am making a conscious effort to do my part on projecting civility and overall courtesy into my small world.
ReplyDeleteI have a post started about common courtesy that kinda overlaps with the things you've mentioned, particularly 1 and 2.5. When happened to "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? And no offense, but your hair *did* look a little crazy after you took that visor off last night. ;)
ReplyDeleteI agree. Civility has gone out the window.
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing, though. You have the right to wear your hair however you'd like, and not be judged for it. Totally. But that woman who has had personal struggles with fertility also has every right in the world to share her pregnancy status. Because it's hers entirely with which to decide that. There isn't anything more or less intimate to the idea of pregnancy if you know it intellectually two months before you recognize it visually, especially if the only thing shared was the yes-or-no status.
ReplyDeleteAnd your judging her desire to share that simply because you think civility calls for some arbitrary (and some would say archaic) time line, seems to be just as rude as the people who feel you deserve to know their opinion on your hair. You may not have said anything to her right then, but you're still discussing it publicly, so it's not without a small possibility that she'd find out about it, which negates the Golden Rule you're trying to invoke.
This is probably sounding far more attacking then I intend it; I'm sorry, that's not my intention. I just think it's interesting that we all inherently believe that our views are 'right', when in fact they could easily be just as misguided/misjudged/misunderstood by someone whose norms are totally different.
"anonymous"- perhaps I wasn't clear. I believe the/a woman has every right to tell whomever she wants to about her pregnancy. My first thought was- knowing how many miscarriages she's had and years she's been trying for a baby- was hope and fear for her. I hope the best for her.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record I am not judging her. I am judging the societal norm of spilling the beans of everything and anything.
I think we live in the information age where we have access to eveerything all the time. So that eliminates boundaries and possibly "archaic" rules. I beleive in those rules. You don't have to. But when you ask me when I'm having a baby, because you think you have a right to know (cause you can access just about every other piece of info on me on facebook), or when you share your intimate details of your preganacy journey with me whether I ask or not - forgive me for being a little off-put. But trust me, I will smile and hug you and be happy for you and your news- while inside I am cringing.
Dude, I'm sorry, Jen, it's the other Jen. I didn't mean to hide behind 'anonymous', it was the fastest commenting option, and I didn't realize I didn't announce myself.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I wasn't attempting to attack. I have been called out for hypocrisies a lot this last year, and it's made me almost crippled to have an opinion, knowing that I have been proven time again of being ignorant, kwim? I hear you that society's over-sharing impulse as a whole is probably not necessary. But I also think the idea that anyone can decide where on the line it's appropriate is a slippery slope, and as bloggers both, I think that's an interesting thing to consider.
Regardless, I'm having a monumentally crappy Wednesday, so I'm sorry if I sounded more bitchy then pondering. I'm glad you share my love of Antony - it's on repeat today.
Mea culpa.